“Would you like coffee?” the friendly waiter asked me. Hmmm… Coffee? Tea? Coffee?.. “I’ll have the detox tea thanks,” I replied with a virtuous smile. I poured the clear fragrant liquid into my cup, checking out the unenlightened ones around me who continued to assault their body with cappucino, latte and hot chocolate. It’s not that my liver needs a helping hand – it can do its detox job just fine. But it sure did make me feel good – clean, pure, fresh.

It’s that time of year when many of us start patting our stomachs – and not contentedly. Yesterday I was at the chemist buying sunscreen when the shop assistant offered a customer a chocolate. Patting her tummy, she avidly refused: “Oh no thanks”, I need to lose all this extra I’ve put on over Christmas.” Then today I was at the beach and a mum from my son’s school, looking stunning in her black bathing suit also started patting her tummy, “I feel dreadful with all this extra weight.” I couldn’t see it myself but all of us mums empathetically patted our stomachs in agreement. It’s enough to make anyone dive for the detox.

If the detox diet is simply drinking more water and non-alcoholic fluids, eating more fruit and vegetables and eliminating all the naughty stuff, you’ll feel great in no time. But steer clear of those wacky detox diets that allow you only a few weird foods. Of course you’ll lose weight trying to survive on just lemon juice and maple syrup but it will do your body more harm than good. You can only lose 1/2 to 1 kilo of fat in a week. Any more than that is fluid and muscle – two things you want to keep, not lose! And what happens when you finish the diet? You can’t live on cayenne pepper and cabbage soup forever!

Anyway, if you want to get all the sensible reasons why detox diets don’t work, check out the Science Media Centre site. You won’t find these comments in the tabloids – far too reasonable!